i am so tired of obama and romney why can’t thor be president
ohmygod could you imagine tho
“mr. president, what are your thoughts on gay marriage?”
“I HOPE ALL MORTALS HAVE A GAY AND JOVIAL MARRIAGE”
nothing will fuck you up as much as the realization that there’s no real reason the alphabet needs to be in order
I HATE THIS TEXT POST
I wish we said “fancy” in America. As in, “I fancy you.” It’s such a more agreeable term than “I have a crush on you.” What’s a crush? Like, I AM A BOA CONSTRICTOR AND I AM GOING TO IMMOBILIZE YOU WITH MY MISPLACED AND OBSESSIVE AFFECTION. “I fancy you” is like, you’re so shiny and glittery and I just want to put you on a shelf and look at you for a while ‘cause you’re fancy.
So a while back i was at this party and i was the first girl to arrive and there were like 20 guys already there, we were all siting around, having a beer and whatnot when the dj arrived. So all the guys went out the front of the house to help set up the dj gear and it was just me sitting there alone in the backyard for like 5 minuets. I stood up to go follow them bc i was getting really bored when i realized something, my period had gone through my white pants and stained the while chair, i was humiliated, i had no idea what to do, i could hear the guys were coming back and i had to do something quick, time was running out. So i grabbed the chair, ran like 10 meters and threw it over the fence into the neighboring yard, i quickly walked back and tied my jacket around my waist. The guys soon returned and didn’t suspect a thing, i am amazing.
I came out as a queer during football practice when my coach was like “son, you’re having trouble throwing straight” and I replied “I’m also having trouble being straight”. It got very quiet and then coach just shook his head and said “throw the damn ball, Cooper”
i have been laughing for 3 million years
it’s getting to that time of the year where everybody isn’t quite sure if they should be wearing coats or not like you’ll see some people walking around in t-shirts and others wearing coats and scarves like nobody is really sure if it’s actually getting cold out or not